So with the new things I have in mind for myself this year, I think it's time to move on from the self-pity fest that this blog seems to have turned into for me over the past year or so.
I'm starting a new blog, and won't be posting to this one anymore. If you'd like to follow along, head over to http://2010thenewawesome.blogspot.com and see what I'm up to.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
The Obligatory New Year's Resolutions Post
I used to find the whole new year's resolution process fascinating, in the way that you can't seem to keep your eyes off someone doing something stupid. I didn't really understand the point in setting these nigh unreachable goals for yourself once a year, keeping with them for the most part a couple weeks or so.
Then a few years back I came to a point in my life where I was listless. I really had no direction, wasn't sure where I was going, or what I wanted to do. For a guy with a couple kids that was unemployed, this was concerning to me.
This is the point when setting goals finally clicked with me. I think everyone realistically has a goal of some kind in mind. I know I always have; but without spending the time to think about them, most of these goals are vague and impossible to achieve. So I began sitting down, working out ways to achieve the goals I had in mind.
The year was 2008. I had decided to get back in school for something that I've always loved: geology. I decided to finally do something about the weight I had slowly but surely put on ever since getting married.
I'm still in school working on that degree, but it's coming along nicely (other than the fact that some earth science courses at UVU are hard to get into; too many students and not enough room in the science building). That's also the year I lost 50 pounds.
So with my over 200 pound years behind me and the school thing well on it's way, it's time to work on a few other things that I've been neglecting. With that segue, it's on to the list:
1 - Be More Consistant - A constant struggle in my life. I start on new things, or at least intend to, on at least a monthly basis. I rarely stick with them long though, and it's probably the biggest thing I need to work on to get some of the feeling of accomplishment back that my life has sorely been lacking over 2009.
2 - Get an Actual, Real, Social Life - Depending on how you know me or where you know me from, you may or may not have a completely distorted view of my social life. To put it bluntly, it's pretty much non-existant at this point. Once upon a time I had lots of friends, made friends easily, and always had someone to do something with or somewhere to go. While I still make friends easily for the most part, and I have "friends," I don't really have anything to do pretty much ever. I haven't had a best friend since before I was married, and really can't say I've had some great friends since then either.
I can only think of one person near my age that I consider a good friend who is also single. I really have no idea how to meet people my age, or where to go to do that even. It's probably the largest obstacle I'm going to have to work through to get this one figured out.
2b - Pay the Butcher's Bill - The meat market, how we all enjoy it so. Unfortunately, unless I want to be single for the rest of my life, I've got to join the game. Despite the hatred I have for fake personalities, the petty games and stupidity; it's all part of getting out there and trying not to be the sad, lonely person I'm slowly becoming.
Whether this means finally deciding what I want to do about Church Girl, growing a pair and finally asking Perfetta out, or perhaps someone else entirely, I'll bungle my way throug hit. That's not to say I won't enjoy some of it, and I happen to think I also do quite well on dates for the most part (and job interviews... it's odd how similar the two are sometimes). We're going to get this worked out. We're not talking finding a new wife, or even a girlfriend necessarily, but a friend with benefits would be nice at least.
3 - Feeling the Burn - While this mostly really has to do with the first one, I thought it also deserved it's own special attention. Excersizing has always been a love/hate relationship with me, mostly on the hate side. I don't enjoy lifting at all, but to have a balanced work out program it's basically required. Running isn't something I like, but it does feel good to get it done. These and other things I need to be more consistant and plan better if I'm going to hit my goal weight and possibly side effect of getting the six pack back that I haven't had for ten years.
Hmm... there was something else but I'm not remembering it. I suppose I'll add it in when inevitably remember later. More likely I'll remember and not care though.
Now to working out the details.
Then a few years back I came to a point in my life where I was listless. I really had no direction, wasn't sure where I was going, or what I wanted to do. For a guy with a couple kids that was unemployed, this was concerning to me.
This is the point when setting goals finally clicked with me. I think everyone realistically has a goal of some kind in mind. I know I always have; but without spending the time to think about them, most of these goals are vague and impossible to achieve. So I began sitting down, working out ways to achieve the goals I had in mind.
The year was 2008. I had decided to get back in school for something that I've always loved: geology. I decided to finally do something about the weight I had slowly but surely put on ever since getting married.
I'm still in school working on that degree, but it's coming along nicely (other than the fact that some earth science courses at UVU are hard to get into; too many students and not enough room in the science building). That's also the year I lost 50 pounds.
So with my over 200 pound years behind me and the school thing well on it's way, it's time to work on a few other things that I've been neglecting. With that segue, it's on to the list:
1 - Be More Consistant - A constant struggle in my life. I start on new things, or at least intend to, on at least a monthly basis. I rarely stick with them long though, and it's probably the biggest thing I need to work on to get some of the feeling of accomplishment back that my life has sorely been lacking over 2009.
2 - Get an Actual, Real, Social Life - Depending on how you know me or where you know me from, you may or may not have a completely distorted view of my social life. To put it bluntly, it's pretty much non-existant at this point. Once upon a time I had lots of friends, made friends easily, and always had someone to do something with or somewhere to go. While I still make friends easily for the most part, and I have "friends," I don't really have anything to do pretty much ever. I haven't had a best friend since before I was married, and really can't say I've had some great friends since then either.
I can only think of one person near my age that I consider a good friend who is also single. I really have no idea how to meet people my age, or where to go to do that even. It's probably the largest obstacle I'm going to have to work through to get this one figured out.
2b - Pay the Butcher's Bill - The meat market, how we all enjoy it so. Unfortunately, unless I want to be single for the rest of my life, I've got to join the game. Despite the hatred I have for fake personalities, the petty games and stupidity; it's all part of getting out there and trying not to be the sad, lonely person I'm slowly becoming.
Whether this means finally deciding what I want to do about Church Girl, growing a pair and finally asking Perfetta out, or perhaps someone else entirely, I'll bungle my way throug hit. That's not to say I won't enjoy some of it, and I happen to think I also do quite well on dates for the most part (and job interviews... it's odd how similar the two are sometimes). We're going to get this worked out. We're not talking finding a new wife, or even a girlfriend necessarily, but a friend with benefits would be nice at least.
3 - Feeling the Burn - While this mostly really has to do with the first one, I thought it also deserved it's own special attention. Excersizing has always been a love/hate relationship with me, mostly on the hate side. I don't enjoy lifting at all, but to have a balanced work out program it's basically required. Running isn't something I like, but it does feel good to get it done. These and other things I need to be more consistant and plan better if I'm going to hit my goal weight and possibly side effect of getting the six pack back that I haven't had for ten years.
Hmm... there was something else but I'm not remembering it. I suppose I'll add it in when inevitably remember later. More likely I'll remember and not care though.
Now to working out the details.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Weird
Seriously, my mind has been all over the place this week.
I forgot to post on Sunday, but I figured what the hell, we'll drop this today.
I've been obsessed with someone I haven't seen or talked to in like a year this week. It's really odd, not sure where it came from. I'm in a dating mood right no, and I guess she's just the one that popped into my mind as I don't really have any current prospects.
There is a girl in the study group I have for one of my classes, but she apparently has a bf. As of like two weeks ago. Curse my procrastination! So yeah, she's awesome and attractive and all that, but oh well now I suppose.
Um... think I might have a job soon. It was a place that offered me a job a few years ago, but at the time I was working somewhere else and it was not really better, so I turned them down. It pays really well though, and I could still do school without too much of an issue. My kid time would be problematic, but at this point it's too good of a deal to give up.
I've had two of my four finals, and they both went well. Well, one went really well, the other pretty good. The other two I don't think will be an issue, though one of them could be. Need to do some serious studying for it.
I've been really antsy lately. A thing or two has changed, big, in the last month, and I'm really kind of jumpy to get out of the house way more. The whole job thing and the fact that I have basically zero single friends are both pretty big obsticles on that though. Hanging out with the married couples is thrilling and all, but not exactly what I have in mind.
Umm.. I'm bored of this now.
I forgot to post on Sunday, but I figured what the hell, we'll drop this today.
I've been obsessed with someone I haven't seen or talked to in like a year this week. It's really odd, not sure where it came from. I'm in a dating mood right no, and I guess she's just the one that popped into my mind as I don't really have any current prospects.
There is a girl in the study group I have for one of my classes, but she apparently has a bf. As of like two weeks ago. Curse my procrastination! So yeah, she's awesome and attractive and all that, but oh well now I suppose.
Um... think I might have a job soon. It was a place that offered me a job a few years ago, but at the time I was working somewhere else and it was not really better, so I turned them down. It pays really well though, and I could still do school without too much of an issue. My kid time would be problematic, but at this point it's too good of a deal to give up.
I've had two of my four finals, and they both went well. Well, one went really well, the other pretty good. The other two I don't think will be an issue, though one of them could be. Need to do some serious studying for it.
I've been really antsy lately. A thing or two has changed, big, in the last month, and I'm really kind of jumpy to get out of the house way more. The whole job thing and the fact that I have basically zero single friends are both pretty big obsticles on that though. Hanging out with the married couples is thrilling and all, but not exactly what I have in mind.
Umm.. I'm bored of this now.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
That's Not Really News, Or, Why People Are Retarded (Amongst Other Things)
Longest title ever right there. And just now I decided to not really get into it. Suffice to say, Max Hall said some not quite flattering things, and it's being blown way out of proportion. Wait, you mean a guy from a team said something "bad" about his rival team? It's a shocker, I know!
Moving on, the excitement never stopped this week. Of course, I don't think it ever really started either, but that's another thing entirely.
I've had the kids for a week and a half straight now, and it's kind of different. At this point I'm pretty sure they should just stay with me all the time. I never really have any issues with them. Joey is a terror on occasion, but what six year old boy isn't?
From the way my x describes him you'd almost think he's the devil incarnate. She wants to get him tested for ADD and get him on drugs, which I'm very against. I won't say that in some occasions it may or may not be necessary, but in his case it is definitely not. You really just have to spend time with him and keep him occupied, he's only a problem when you leave him to his own devices for long periods of time.
He's actually a lot like me when I was younger. I didn't turn out half bad did I?
Regardless, other than that whole shebang, the week was kind of normal for the most part. Yeah, there was Thanksgiving and all that, but who cares? The family got together and had dinner, etc, etc. Find random story x about a family thanksgiving dinner, and pretend it's mine. There, you get the picture.
Went to the BYU game yesterday, it was entertaining. A good game, actually. I was kind of bored for a bit, but the Y always finds a way to keep them interesting.
Umm... I had something else to talk about, but I'm spacing it right now. Not really in the mood to write right now, really. I'm trying to do this about every sunday though, so yeah.
I have homework to get too.
Moving on, the excitement never stopped this week. Of course, I don't think it ever really started either, but that's another thing entirely.
I've had the kids for a week and a half straight now, and it's kind of different. At this point I'm pretty sure they should just stay with me all the time. I never really have any issues with them. Joey is a terror on occasion, but what six year old boy isn't?
From the way my x describes him you'd almost think he's the devil incarnate. She wants to get him tested for ADD and get him on drugs, which I'm very against. I won't say that in some occasions it may or may not be necessary, but in his case it is definitely not. You really just have to spend time with him and keep him occupied, he's only a problem when you leave him to his own devices for long periods of time.
He's actually a lot like me when I was younger. I didn't turn out half bad did I?
Regardless, other than that whole shebang, the week was kind of normal for the most part. Yeah, there was Thanksgiving and all that, but who cares? The family got together and had dinner, etc, etc. Find random story x about a family thanksgiving dinner, and pretend it's mine. There, you get the picture.
Went to the BYU game yesterday, it was entertaining. A good game, actually. I was kind of bored for a bit, but the Y always finds a way to keep them interesting.
Umm... I had something else to talk about, but I'm spacing it right now. Not really in the mood to write right now, really. I'm trying to do this about every sunday though, so yeah.
I have homework to get too.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
I Hate People; Girls Specifically
I'm so annoyed at the moment that I couldn't stay in church for priesthood. I tried to say hi to Church Girl and it's like she literally couldn't get away from me quickly enough.
Did I do something so horrible? I hate this shit. I want to just go up to her and ask wth is going on, but that's like shooting yourself in the foot with girls.
Maybe I'm not as over that situation as I thought I was.
Did I do something so horrible? I hate this shit. I want to just go up to her and ask wth is going on, but that's like shooting yourself in the foot with girls.
Maybe I'm not as over that situation as I thought I was.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Music
It's crazy. For a long time I thought my future was in music. My original major when I first started going to college nine years ago was music. I took a few music classes, theory and all that kind of stuff.
I've played various instruments for something around twenty years. Piano and guitar mostly, but I've dabbled in violin (which I was supposedly quite good at... until my teacher moved away and we couldn't fine another) and bass, and have always wanted to pick up a woodwind and brass of some kind, but just haven't gotten around to it.
Here's where we get to the depressing part. I played and wrote for hours a day sometimes, never going more than a few hours picking up an instrument. That ended years ago, and I can't get back into the habit like I'd like too.
It's funny how it all ended now that I look back at it, and I think it was a portent of things to come. You see, a girl entered my life. She became what I thought about, what I did with my spare time. Music was pushed aside, my greatest love before her.
The girl, was, of course, my x. This is one of the things that bothers me most about the time we spent together, that for some reason I gave up one thing for her, even if it wasn't an issue and she didn't ask me too.
I can't blame it on her, obviously, and I don't. It troubles me just the same though.
So now I have a really hard time getting back into it. I'm trying. I started back up my piano lessons a few weeks back, and I'm enjoying them immensely. I don't practice as much as I should, but that's not a surprise for anyone that knows me. Of course, we also haven't gotten where I'm at exactly nailed down yet either. I blasted through the beginning book in about the month of lessons I've had so far, knowing that really it isn't where I should be.
Guitar though, is a different story. I hate picking it up now, to some extent. Once upon a time I was quite good. Better than pretty much everyone I knew, except one person (he has perfect pitch though, the bastard; what I wouldn't give to have that). I could play basically anything you put in front of me with a little practice.
Now though, when I pick it up I'm lost. I loathe how uncoordinated I feel when I try to play things, how my hands don't work as they should. It destroys my desire to play, hating the awkwardness that I feel in it.
I mean, I still pick up things quickly, but there's problems with my technique and the way it feels. And I know it. They stick out to me like.. well, a lot, we'll say.
It's one of the things I'm striving to work with, amongst the others I mentioned a post or two ago.
I also get frustrated with my ability to put down what's in my mind on paper. Pretty much the only time some random song that I'm making up isn't going through my mind is when I'm singing someone else's song already. To me, they always sound good of course, and I think others would feel that way as well, as long as I could get them down. How to do that, though is the dilemma.
Anyways, I need to get this done and go to bed. I have the lesson for my class tomorrow, and need to get up and finalize the whole thing.
Night.
I've played various instruments for something around twenty years. Piano and guitar mostly, but I've dabbled in violin (which I was supposedly quite good at... until my teacher moved away and we couldn't fine another) and bass, and have always wanted to pick up a woodwind and brass of some kind, but just haven't gotten around to it.
Here's where we get to the depressing part. I played and wrote for hours a day sometimes, never going more than a few hours picking up an instrument. That ended years ago, and I can't get back into the habit like I'd like too.
It's funny how it all ended now that I look back at it, and I think it was a portent of things to come. You see, a girl entered my life. She became what I thought about, what I did with my spare time. Music was pushed aside, my greatest love before her.
The girl, was, of course, my x. This is one of the things that bothers me most about the time we spent together, that for some reason I gave up one thing for her, even if it wasn't an issue and she didn't ask me too.
I can't blame it on her, obviously, and I don't. It troubles me just the same though.
So now I have a really hard time getting back into it. I'm trying. I started back up my piano lessons a few weeks back, and I'm enjoying them immensely. I don't practice as much as I should, but that's not a surprise for anyone that knows me. Of course, we also haven't gotten where I'm at exactly nailed down yet either. I blasted through the beginning book in about the month of lessons I've had so far, knowing that really it isn't where I should be.
Guitar though, is a different story. I hate picking it up now, to some extent. Once upon a time I was quite good. Better than pretty much everyone I knew, except one person (he has perfect pitch though, the bastard; what I wouldn't give to have that). I could play basically anything you put in front of me with a little practice.
Now though, when I pick it up I'm lost. I loathe how uncoordinated I feel when I try to play things, how my hands don't work as they should. It destroys my desire to play, hating the awkwardness that I feel in it.
I mean, I still pick up things quickly, but there's problems with my technique and the way it feels. And I know it. They stick out to me like.. well, a lot, we'll say.
It's one of the things I'm striving to work with, amongst the others I mentioned a post or two ago.
I also get frustrated with my ability to put down what's in my mind on paper. Pretty much the only time some random song that I'm making up isn't going through my mind is when I'm singing someone else's song already. To me, they always sound good of course, and I think others would feel that way as well, as long as I could get them down. How to do that, though is the dilemma.
Anyways, I need to get this done and go to bed. I have the lesson for my class tomorrow, and need to get up and finalize the whole thing.
Night.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
The Joys Of New Postings
I'm strangely tired. I'm also in somewhat of a subdued mood right now, so hopefully this all doesn't come across as more boring than usual.
I think the hot tub just might fix the issue, but we'll get to that after I'm done with this.
So yeah, fun and exciting things happened this week. Finally had my job interview with Costco, and it was the shortest one I've ever had. We started by going over my availability, and after telling them I have school a couple nights a week they told me that wasn't going to work for them.
So that was that. I think we literally talked for like one minute, at the most.
Next on the list is.. well.. nothing. I've exhausted pretty much everything on my list by now, so I'm really not sure what else to do. I guess it's fast food or something now, I have no idea. I'll get it worked out this week sometime.
I've been striving to do the little things more recently than I have been. I've always been a slacker at the primary answer church things. Never really had a problem with prayer, but stuff like reading my scriptures has always been a struggle. Did that almost every day last week, and I felt the difference.
I've come to a point that I'm basically somewhat lost, and this gives me something to focus on; it helps a ton.
There's a couple other things that I don't do as often as I should that we're working on as well. Stuff like cleaning/straightening around the house more, to making sure I floss at least once a day. The little things are getting me through my boredom and stress of not having a job and getting through school and taking care of the kids when I have them.
Despite the fact that this has basically been the case for a year now, things just feel better than they did even a couple weeks ago. Next up is to get my exercising back on track. I'm creeping slowly back up on the scales again, and I will not ever allow myself to go over 200 again. So how to exercise when it's getting cold outside is part of my overall dilemma.
The best part of the week though, hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday: I finally got to the point where I'm just not interested in Lori anymore. It was really weird. Usually this whole process is a gradual thing that just kind of goes away with time, but it just came to an abrupt halt last week and I haven't cared since.
I've had no desire to call or text her almost since my last post, and it weirds me out a little. But it's most definitely a good thing, and I'm happy for it. Honestly, before last night when I realized this, I don't think I'd even thought of her for at least a couple days. Perhaps the focus I'm putting on other things was distraction enough, or perhaps it was something else. Either way, it's made things much better.
So this week we get the kids back, and I'm happy for that. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before that weeks without them are hard. They're generally quite lonely and long and boring. With them around everything seems brighter and happier, and the future just looks great.
The X seems to be doing a lot better. I can tell in her voice and the way she talks that she's much happier than before. Don't know if it was the new guy or what is going on exactly, but I'm glad for this. She even seems to be taking more of an interest in the kids and what's going on with them, which I'm also glad for.
Still not interested in letting her take control, but we'll see what happens from here.
I don't know if I mentioned running into a girl I knew a long time ago at Macey's a week or two ago. She's been on my mind a bit. She was the second gf and second kiss I'd ever had, and I always kind of missed her. We're not talking like she's the one that got away or anything, but we had a lot of fun. I'm contemplating going back and "running into" her on purpose to see what's going on. She hadn't been wearing a wedding ring, though I know she was married for awhile. It's possible that she wasn't wearing it for work or whatever, so I don't want to get my hopes up or anything. But I think we're going to take a chance and see if I can't come to a pleasant conclusion on this one. Mostly so it will stop bugging me; but also cause it would be interesting to see what happens.
That's something that gets me into a little trouble now and again though. I'm just far to curious for my own good. I always have this need to know why things didn't work out with someone, or what happened to cause this or that or drama drama drama. I think that this is at least part of my whole creepy/desparate persona that I convey to people at times. I just hate to leave things in the air, my curiousity runs amok.
Installed windows 7 on my pc this morning, and it's working out nicely for me so far. The install process was pleasantly quick and easy, and everything works fabulously. Have to give it a little more time to make sure what I think, obviously, but so far so good.
And that, my friend(S)IS THAT> THANKS FOR THE WTH IS GOING ON> I CAN"T TURN THIS OFF> ITS LIKE MY SHIFT KEY IS STUCK ON> THIS IS UMM>>> I DON"T KNOW<> aha! got it.
Have a good one.
I think the hot tub just might fix the issue, but we'll get to that after I'm done with this.
So yeah, fun and exciting things happened this week. Finally had my job interview with Costco, and it was the shortest one I've ever had. We started by going over my availability, and after telling them I have school a couple nights a week they told me that wasn't going to work for them.
So that was that. I think we literally talked for like one minute, at the most.
Next on the list is.. well.. nothing. I've exhausted pretty much everything on my list by now, so I'm really not sure what else to do. I guess it's fast food or something now, I have no idea. I'll get it worked out this week sometime.
I've been striving to do the little things more recently than I have been. I've always been a slacker at the primary answer church things. Never really had a problem with prayer, but stuff like reading my scriptures has always been a struggle. Did that almost every day last week, and I felt the difference.
I've come to a point that I'm basically somewhat lost, and this gives me something to focus on; it helps a ton.
There's a couple other things that I don't do as often as I should that we're working on as well. Stuff like cleaning/straightening around the house more, to making sure I floss at least once a day. The little things are getting me through my boredom and stress of not having a job and getting through school and taking care of the kids when I have them.
Despite the fact that this has basically been the case for a year now, things just feel better than they did even a couple weeks ago. Next up is to get my exercising back on track. I'm creeping slowly back up on the scales again, and I will not ever allow myself to go over 200 again. So how to exercise when it's getting cold outside is part of my overall dilemma.
The best part of the week though, hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday: I finally got to the point where I'm just not interested in Lori anymore. It was really weird. Usually this whole process is a gradual thing that just kind of goes away with time, but it just came to an abrupt halt last week and I haven't cared since.
I've had no desire to call or text her almost since my last post, and it weirds me out a little. But it's most definitely a good thing, and I'm happy for it. Honestly, before last night when I realized this, I don't think I'd even thought of her for at least a couple days. Perhaps the focus I'm putting on other things was distraction enough, or perhaps it was something else. Either way, it's made things much better.
So this week we get the kids back, and I'm happy for that. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before that weeks without them are hard. They're generally quite lonely and long and boring. With them around everything seems brighter and happier, and the future just looks great.
The X seems to be doing a lot better. I can tell in her voice and the way she talks that she's much happier than before. Don't know if it was the new guy or what is going on exactly, but I'm glad for this. She even seems to be taking more of an interest in the kids and what's going on with them, which I'm also glad for.
Still not interested in letting her take control, but we'll see what happens from here.
I don't know if I mentioned running into a girl I knew a long time ago at Macey's a week or two ago. She's been on my mind a bit. She was the second gf and second kiss I'd ever had, and I always kind of missed her. We're not talking like she's the one that got away or anything, but we had a lot of fun. I'm contemplating going back and "running into" her on purpose to see what's going on. She hadn't been wearing a wedding ring, though I know she was married for awhile. It's possible that she wasn't wearing it for work or whatever, so I don't want to get my hopes up or anything. But I think we're going to take a chance and see if I can't come to a pleasant conclusion on this one. Mostly so it will stop bugging me; but also cause it would be interesting to see what happens.
That's something that gets me into a little trouble now and again though. I'm just far to curious for my own good. I always have this need to know why things didn't work out with someone, or what happened to cause this or that or drama drama drama. I think that this is at least part of my whole creepy/desparate persona that I convey to people at times. I just hate to leave things in the air, my curiousity runs amok.
Installed windows 7 on my pc this morning, and it's working out nicely for me so far. The install process was pleasantly quick and easy, and everything works fabulously. Have to give it a little more time to make sure what I think, obviously, but so far so good.
And that, my friend(S)IS THAT> THANKS FOR THE WTH IS GOING ON> I CAN"T TURN THIS OFF> ITS LIKE MY SHIFT KEY IS STUCK ON> THIS IS UMM>>> I DON"T KNOW<> aha! got it.
Have a good one.
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